have you ever attended a death cafe? i would heartily recommend finding one in your neighbourhood. what, you might ask, is a death cafe? those two words seem oxymoronic!
in the words of www.deathcafe.com…
“At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes.It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.Our Death Cafes are always offered:- On a not for profit basis- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake! “
(please note: cake is a vital ingredient in a death cafe.)
i have attended several death cafes, and hosted a few myself. (anyone can host one. there is a wonderful guide on the website.) i’m always amazed at the variety of fears, thrills, experiences, and views about dying and death which emerge at a death cafe. i’m most struck by two things.the first is openness. because the underlying ethos is discussion without motivation to sell or convince anyone of anything, the space is held in mindful equality. no one knows more than anyone else. no one leads the discussion. everyone’s experience is valued equally. the conversation is free-wheeling and free-flowing.i’m also always struck by the participants’ willingness to discuss a deeply personal, and often painful, subject. what arises in every death cafe i’ve attended is the lack of public discourse about everyone’s inevitable end. because death (and birth) have become medicalised and removed from daily life, talk about dying and death is almost always avoided. the cafes themselves are beginning to bring about a radical change. it seems that open discussion, in a confidential space, where nothing is expected, allows for healing.begun in england in 2011, based on the work of swiss sociologist and anthropologist, bernard crettaz, there have been over 8000 death cafes all over the world.
people of all ages attend, each bringing their own ideas and thoughts. and each person leaves more empowered than when they arrived.and, needless to say, everyone enjoys the cake?