Many years ago, an acquaintance of mine knew she would die very soon. She had been dealing with a ‘terminal’ condition for some time and was aware that her strength for continued treatment was failing rapidly. She chose to end treatment.
garden by arno senoner on unsplash
She lived in a warm, sunny climate and asked that her bed be moved to her garden. She lived the last two days and nights of her life there. She asked that only one person be with her at a time; more than one overwhelmed and taxed her. She ate only when and what she wanted, was given pain control only when she requested it, and slept whenever she desired.
She had control over the last hours of her life. While this is often not possible, what would you choose if you did have that ability?
Often we read, or participate in, a deathbed scene where the dying person is “surrounded by loving family”. This seems to be the current definition of a “good death”. Is this what we truly want? Would it seem churlish to want to die alone? Or in silent meditation? Does everyone want a group of people with them when they die? Would we deny our dear ones the gift of being with us during that last hour?
orchestra by samuel-sianipar on unsplash
Is our preference for silence, or would rock and roll music playing in the background, those we love dancing, suit us better? Or would Beethoven’s Ninth be a fitting accompaniment to our exit? Or Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”?
And what of the environment around us—a dimly lit room or one full of light? Fairy lights scattered everywhere or a single candle burning in our sight line? Windows open to the breeze or the gentle whisper of incense? Colourful bouquets scattered around the space or a single, elegant ikebana arrangement?
ikebana by oriento on unsplash
Control over those last moments may or may not be possible. If it were, how would you choose to live them?