Hospice leader Frank Ostaseski was at the Zen Hospice in San Franciscoreading a book called Japanese Death Poems.
A woman dying there asked him about that book and Ostaseski explained the tradition of Zen monks who on the day of their death wrote a poem to convey the essential truth discovered in their life.
This woman, named Sono, said she would like to write her own and did so, asking it to be pinned to her bedclothes after she died and then be cremated with her.Here is her poem:Don’t just stand there with your hair turning gray,soon enough the seas will sink your little island.So while there is still the illusion of time,set out for another shore.No sense packing a bag.You won’t be able to lift it into your boat.Give away all your collections.Take only new seeds and an old stick.Send out some prayers on the wind before you sail.Don’t be afraid.Someone knows you’re coming.An extra fish has been salted.-Mona (Sono) Santacroce (1928–1995)when i read this quotation is was struck by the immediacy of the words, the authenticity of the lessons...both those she learned and those she is teaching me, now, as a way to live. i'm sure the depths have not yet been plumbed.(sadly, i didn't make a note of where i found this poem, so i can't attribute it. if anyone knows where i can find it, please contact me at felice.rhiannon@gmail.com. thank you.)
a contemplation
i woke up one morning recently with the impulse to read from one of my favourite daily readers, “light the flame: 365 days of prayers from around the world”, compiled by andrew harvey.
the reading for 18 may challenged and inspired me. i share it with you here.
from today onwarduntil the attainment of enlightenmentmay i be willingto live with my chaos and confusionand that of all other sentient beings.may i be willingto share our mutual confusionand work incessantly and humblyto help and elevate everyone without exception.
this is a vow made by tibetan buddhist nuns and monks. i imagine it needs to be made daily because there is always chaos and confusion, even in times of relative calm and peace.in these days of COVID-19 many of us live in some form of confusion.
is this cough a symptom? should i be tested? am i now allowed to visit a friend in a park, maintaining physical distance? when will i be able to go to a cafe again? government guidelines don’t often offer much clarity and sometimes they might go counter to our personal, inner guidelines.the chaos caused by anxiety and grief surrounds us too, regardless of our personal experience. these painful emotions are in the atmosphere around us. and many of us might have had direct experience of fear and grieving.
many of us might have lived through a bout of the illness and recovered. will those who have recovered be the same as they were? will their health be compromised? how do they feel now about the pandemic?so much is unknown and yet there is the potential to be willing to share the confusion, our own and that of others, and to be part of the community of sentient beings. willingness is all that is asked of us in this vow/prayer. we are not asked to be perfect or to be enlightened…only to be willing to be human and serve other beings.
elders have the unique opportunity to take the eagle’s eye view, to see the big picture of service, compassion and understanding. we know confusion and chaos. we’ve seen it before. we’ve lived with it before. this is not to minimise the current situation. rather elders can bring our experience of the past into the present and open our hearts to willingness. we can step outside our immediate situation and see a broader, wider picture.we can set an example of living with our own chaos and confusion and hold the hand (virtually) of those who are suffering. we can walk side by side and share. we can work humbly to aid and elevate others in whatever way we can.
they think they're old
i was walking in the corridor of the block of flats where i live. it’s a complex of 100 flats for people over 55. i love living there...the flats and corridors are spacious. it’s close to public transport. the sea is one street away. the neighbourhood is lively and creative. the neighbours are well...neighbourly.on this morning i encountered a neighbour who i rarely see. i commented that i was glad to see her. she’s very busy, so these moments don’t come often. she told me she attends spanish and french classes as well an exercise class several times each week.
it was a wednesday, the day there is a weekly social club in the spacious, well-appointed common space.
the neighbour asked me is i attended. when i said “no” she commented, “nor do i. they think they’re old. i don’t think i’m old.”what is it about the word ‘old’ that causes us to recoil, to distance ourselves from others?
why do we dread claiming that identity? in our culture, old is equal to useless, without redeeming qualities. my neighbour’s response to a vital, social activity typifies this cultural paradigm.and perhaps, more importantly, she is denying her own reality. though i don’t know exactly how old she is, i would venture to guess, she has 70+ years of life experience. that’s old by anyone’s standards. she is healthy, engaged and lively...and old.
we have been conditioned to believe that young is valuable, is desirable.we, who are no-longer young, are not.they, who are not-yet-old, inhabit a world that is often bereft of elder role models. they don’t know the potential freedom of elderhood. they don’t know the avenues for growth that exist in the life of the older.most research shows that people in their later years are happier and more content than those younger. we somehow believe that the young and middle years are the epitome of life’s riches. current studies show otherwise.and yet the cultural view of olders persists. it is up to us to change that...by living our potential regardless of our age, by enjoying opportunities to grow, by finding meaning and purpose in our elderhood itself.
planting ourselves
the words below were written by victoria safford, a unitarian universalist minister in the USA. (these words were reformatted from an essay “the small work in the great work” which appears in a book entitled “the impossible will take a little while”.)
they are words of an elder, though i don’t know how many years of life experience she holds. they are words of strength, compassion and wisdom. they are words which can serve as a beacon of light on the darker days of this pandemic time. they are words to inspire our resilience, our authenticity, our kindness to ourselves and others.may they inspire you today.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~our mission is to plant ourselves at the gates of hope –
not the prudent gates of Optimism, which are somewhat narrower;nor the stalwart, boring gates of Common Sense;nor the strident gates of Self-Righteousness, which creak on shrill on angry hinges(people cannot hear us there; they cannot pass through);nor the cheerful, flimsy garden gate of “everything is gonna be all right.”but a different, sometimes lonely place, the place of truth-telling,
about your own soul first of all and its condition,the place of resistance and defiance,the piece of ground from which you see the worldboth as it is and as it could be,as it will be;
the place from which you glimpse not only struggle,but joy in the struggle.and we stand there, beckoning and calling,telling people what we are seeing,asking people what they see.
an intergenerational time
in the 12 april 0n-line edition of ‘fast company’ (a digital and print business magazine) there is some fascinating predictions about intergenerational relationships in the post-COVID-19 world. in the article they are, or course, couched in terms of business, but can be seen as metaphors for society as a whole. author nichole kelly writes about her interview with jessie newburn, a generational intelligence expert.
to quote newburn,
the boomer generation, born 1943-1960, has a role in today’s new normal, which is to be our moral compass and set the direction for how the world will traverse the difficult times we’re in now and have yet ahead.
this is not a new role for elders. we have been holding this sacred task forever. this is the role of guide, mentor, sage, wisdom-keeper. sadly, most youngers devalue this role. however, newburn believes that each successive generation plays a vital role in the time to come, and that this role will once again, hold value.newburn goes on to say,
“every generation is receiving a calling to design our new normal. we’ll find millennials go from #okboomer to #i<3u2 as they receive mentorship from boomers on how to process their emotions. we'll also see them quickly leveling up their capacity and skills in working with gen-x leaders.“the generational alignment during society’s crisis era, or ‘fourth turning,’ as it’s called is this: elder boomers will point the way out of darkness; midlife gen-xers will marshal scarce resources and lead the troops; good-cheer millennials will respond to the boomer call for sacrifice . . . and will exceed even our wildest hopes of what they can do.”
for many of us, this points to children and grand-children taking up their roles as we move into a different time. it is our role to hold the lamp of experience for them and those generations, whether or not we have children and grand-children.now is a time when we can reflect on our values and pass them on to create a world that is more compassionate, more equitable, more just. it is a time when we can actively step up to this role as guide and sounding board. it is a time to act in whatever way we are able.(p.s not being a tweeter, i had to look up #i<3u2. for those who also don’t know what it means…i love you too, the third and fourth digits resemble a heart lying on its side.)
who we become
The question is not simply what should we do about [our collective] problems. The larger question is . . . who do we have to become in order to solve them. ~~ Marianne Williamson, A Politics of Love
we have, at this time of crisis, the opportunity to become different, to become the beings we have aspired to become. this is our moment.
this is a moment of transformation that comes only rarely. there have been catastrophes and plagues in the past. many times the human community has risen to those occasions and transformed cultures and societies.only a few weeks ago the jewish communities around the world celebrated passover, the festival of freedom from slavery. (certainly passover during coronavirus was vastly different from the usual, large gatherings of family, friends and guests.) in the story we find an enslaved people liberated by the coming of plagues, ten of them! they included locusts, boils, frogs, and blood raining from the sky. the journey from slavery to freedom was not easy. the people who were born into and lived their lives in slavery had to face the challenge of crossing the red sea and then wander in the desert before reaching their “promised land”…freedom.
how can we, as elders, find liberation for ourselves and so that we might lead others to freedom in this time of limitation and challenge? what have we experienced that will provide strength to those who are weakened, courage to those who are frightened, and comfort to those who are distressed? what plagues have we already survived? what shackles of slavery have we already thrown off?our decades of life experience can serve us well as we live through this time. we have learned that, in the biggest picture, the Earth will keep turning, as we see in the spring flowers and leaves as they emerge. we have learned that even the suffering and death of those we love can be grieved and incorporated into the richness of who we are. we know that an open heart filled with love and compassion can provide a beacon in the dark time. we can take action, however small, from that compassionate heart, to relieve the suffering of others.at the very same time, as we hold others, we will be eldering ourselves…and becoming who we want to be.