a three-fold forgiveness practiceseemingly, the most obvious step on the path of forgiveness is that of forgiving others. i’m not sure, though, that this is the most important step. rather i think the most profound step is learning to forgive ourselves, as we explored in a previous post.to look inside and ask questions allows us to hold the challenge a bit more lightly. 
is it possible that i have played a part in my own undoing? what was my role in the wounding situation? how have i taken part in this drama? is it easier for me to see myself as the victim of someone else’s actions? would i rather be “right” than see my mistakes?certainly we have all made errors in our relationships. this is an aspect of human nature, challenging though it is. when i can accept the ways in which i contributed, the part that i played in the unfolding of the often times shakespearian scenes, the way i have held on to my hurt, i can offer myself some tenderness and care.it is the human in me that behaved so poorly. it is the human in me that held on to the anger. it is the all too human in me who withheld love. when i finally see, and accept, my own humanness, i can then take the next step…forgiving the other.
forgiving the other is a gift to myself, for it liberates me as well as freeing the other person. suddenly i can breathe more fully, i can see more clearly and i am able to express more of my authentic self. it is not necessary for the other person to know i have forgiven her/him. it is only necessary for me to forgive and let go. certainly my relationship with the other will change. then i can take the next step of asking for forgiveness.
this step on the elder’s path may seem unobtainable. we might begin with what is possible and then stretch a bit further to what, at one time, might have felt impossible. asking forgiveness for the wrongs, the hurts, the pain i have caused humbles me. it again reminds me that i am human. having forgiven myself for these hurts, asking forgiveness is more easeful, more flowing, more honest. asking for forgiveness begins to relieve the burden of guilt and regret i have carried. this burden is often as debilitating as the anger and resentment and self-righteousness i have carried.this three-fold practice of forgiveness is a life-long commitment. it allows us to grow into our elderhood more fully each day, each moment…with compassion.