what now?

in these challenging times we are hearing/reading/thinking a lot about a “new normal”. we are asked to consider “what’s next?” we are encouraged to create a vision for a more compassionate, equitable world. we are turned toward the future.as i sit with this profound support and encouragement i wonder, “is that really any different from the world we have inhabited in the past?…a world always pointed toward the future?”the future is unattainable without the present, each present moment. with attention focused on the future, no matter how attractive we might visualise it, we are drawn away from right now, right here. what is true now? what is real now, in this moment, in this place?for many, the present reality is filled with fear, pain, worry, despair, violence, grief and poverty. for these people the current normal isn’t very pretty. for these people, with whom we are intimately connected, the vision of the future is bleak. the present reality is very different for someone living on the 14th floor of a tower block in london...to someone living in the leafy suburbs that surround london. for the former, lockdown is the true sense of their reality. for the suburban dweller, sheltering in place is more comfortable in the garden.yet…the inner world may be the same for both.part of my vision, that can be cultivated in the present, is a world where all are educated to find and dwell in the indestructible source of connection in the heart. by holding that space in the present we can contribute to the healing of the world, not only from coronavirus and also the destructive effects of “business as usual” as we have known it.may all beings be safe and protected.may all beings be well.may all beings be loved.

metta...loving kindness

opening our hearts to others is a practice taught in many spiritual traditions. it leads to generosity and kindness. it allows us to turn our attention from our self centred desires and opinions. it encourages us to see other perspectives and opinions. and it softens the fixed and solidified places in our being. it supports our intention to live with compassion…the recognition that all of us experience pain and suffering.sage-ing international counts compassion as one of the qualities of a sage/wise elder. this is their charge to us…"Compassion: With a deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it, we serve from a deep passion that includes caring and understanding, reciprocity and forgiveness."in the buddhist tradition the practice of metta bhavana (cultivation of loving kindness) is simple and profound. it can lead us to a deep awareness of our interconnectedness and our ability to open our hearts.the practice itself asks us to repeat a few simple phrases. the traditional phrases are about happiness, peace and freedom from suffering. other phrases can be added, of course.we address these wishes in widening circles.we are asked to meditate on loving kindness firstly for ourselves. self-compassion leads to compassion for others so that we treat ourselves with the same care and support and kindness we would show a dear friend. we support positive change with self-love, which is not selfish. as we become aware of our own suffering we are moved to show that kindness to others in what we think, say and do.the second step in the metta practice involves holding the phrases in our heart for someone we care for deeply, wishing them happiness, peace and freedom.this is followed by the phrases addressed to a neutral person, someone you might see at the bank or supermarket (if/when we do see someone there!). this is someone you might barely know or not know at all.the fourth phase of the practice is the most challenging. this involves holding those wishes for someone with whom you have difficulty…your landlord, a relative, a workmate, your partner. this is where the heart opening is most demanding…and most joyfully beneficial. by asking ourselves to open to someone who we might think is wrong/silly/nasty/stubborn/difficult we challenge our fixed ideas. we hold our hard places up to the fire of love and compassion.and finally, in the last phase of metta bhavana, we address these wishes to all beings.here is the traditional path of metta…may i be happy.may i be peaceful.may i be free from suffering.in the second phase, insert the name of the person you care for in place of ‘i’, holding an image of that person in your heart.in the third, address the neutral person by who they are in your life, e.g., the postie/the store clerk, holding the image in your heart.in the fourth, insert the name of the person with whom you have difficulty holding that person in your heart.in the fifth, address all beings, holding the whole planet in your heart.and here are some other phrases that may be appropriate at various times in your life from an article in yoga journal on line by sharon salzberg, a noted american buddhist teacher. https://www.yogajournal.com/meditation/cultivate-goodness-practice-lovingkindness“May I accept my pain, without thinking it makes me bad or wrong.”“May I remember my consciousness is much vaster than this body.”“May all those who have helped me be safe, be happy, be peaceful.”“May all beings everywhere be safe, be happy, be peaceful.”“May my love for myself and others flow boundlessly.”may all beings be safe.may all beings be well.may all beings live from the heart.

shelter in place

by the time you read this most of us will have been at home for several weeks. early on in this time i began to consider the language we use to describe our situation. i’m not alone in this contemplation. many writers have commented on the use of the language of war…”this is a battle against an unseen enemy”; “we will win this fight”;”we will bring out all of our big guns to fight this virus”. and on it goes, effecting our nervous systems, creating more anxiety and fear.while it may be designed to rally our spirits and bring us together, i find it has the opposite effect. harking back to world war 2 does nothing for the vast majority of the population alive today. i imagine it actually allows youngers to disconnect and refuse to follow the guidelines.instead i’ve made other choices. being from california, i immediately resonated with the phrase that state's government has chosen for those who are advised not to go out…shelter in place. ahhh, my whole being sighed with the prospect of shelter…a place of comfort, protection, safety and welcome.how much more beneficial than "loc-do-n" or "self - iso—tion". how much more inspiring than those intrinsically isolating, militaristic words. many olders are already accustomed to spending many hours alone, some under hardship conditions. for them this is nothing new, only different. in truth, this may be a blessing to them for many communities have rallied to support and help a group of people who rarely get support or help.let us use our influence as elders and our energy to keep ourselves and other older people connected and held in the embrace of community. let us reach out to one another and continue to stay “in touch” (even when we can’t actually touch). let us speak our truth in language that uplifts and elevates. let us add this experience to the decades of life experience we already have lived.

two wise men

often, when we take a moment to contemplate, we wonder about the proverbial meaning of life. we’ve lived 6, 7, 8 decades. what does it all mean?one wise man, joseph campbell, wrote, “people say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. ... i think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”to be alive, to feel the inner resonance continues throughout a life span. in our elderhood we have time to make that connection between our outer, physical life and the inner being, that still, small voice that dwells in each of us. it is the inner core, the deepest truth, with which we have the opportunity to live. when that connection is made, we can, in campbell’s well-known words, follow our bliss.then each day, each breath, is experienced in its fullest meaning. each tear that is shed carries the joy and the grief of decades. each smile holds the moments of gladness and the moments of embarrassment and shyness. each sob holds the truth of experience along with each peal of laughter. each moment of irritation or frustration embraces the moments of deep satisfaction.it is this sense of aliveness, of deep connection with self, that campbell so eloquently expressed, in spite of the difficulty of putting this ineffable experience into solid words. irrespective of this difficulty, we all know those moments of aliveness....a stunning sunset, a tender kiss from a beloved one, a heartbreaking moment, a compassionate encounter. as elders we have a huge archive of these experiences. they are the rapture of being alive.another wise man, stephen hawking, reminds us that “it matters that you don’t just give up.” giving up is the antithesis of the experience of aliveness. it defeats our desire for the rapture of true connection. and hawking was the expert at ‘not giving up’. his life had meaning, just as does each of our lives.alive with meaning, vibrating with the energy of life, we continue to grow and evolve into our elderhood.

here's to you mrs robinson

(Did you , by any chance, remember the rest of that line?)remembering the iconic movie, the graduate, do we also remember that the supposedly 45-50 year old mrs robinson was portrayed by a 35-year old ann bancroft?there has been a flurry of articles in the newspaper about ‘more sex for the over-sixties”. while it’s true we are seeing more older women and men in films and television, we are still often portrayed in stereotypical roles...the frumpy granny, the outrageously successful business tycoon (always a man), the nagging mother-in-law or exhausted cleaner (could be either gender). when older women are portrayed as sexual beings, it is usually as the ‘cougar’, an older woman engaged in a sexual relationship with a younger man.in an article in the guardian (11 march 2020) kasia delgado tells us that, according to a UK film council survey, 60 per cent of older female film-goers “were tired of seeing themselves portrayed on the screen as “sexless grandmothers”.at the same time, an Age UK-funded study showed that more than half of men and almost a third of women over the age of 70 were sexually active.in film the issue of sex between older people is often solved by making sure no older flesh is shown on screen. while the sexual relationship is clear in the script, the physical manifestation of the script is not. it seems that most depictions of older peoples’ sexuality is either as comical or dangerous.like so many other aspects of older peoples’ lives, our sexuality is hidden, sidelined and deemed non-existent. and yet, our sexual energy is as important an aspect of who we are as our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energies. pleasure in ourselves or in sharing with another is a vital part of staying vital and engaged. it doesn’t die at 60.desire and pleasure are intrinsic to the human condition (and our physiology). for many olders, sexual exploration and expression is a path to deeper spiritual understanding...surrender, openness, vulnerability. sexual intimacy can open door to more profound spiritual intimacy. and to fun!as elders, holding the doors open to this intimate connection allows for surprise, the unexpected. this is usually seen a hallmark of childhood, the discovery the world.why not continue to discover as we grow older?

i used to be able to....

how often in conversation does this phrase occur?most likely, we each have a list of answers….i used to be able to….touch my toesget up from the floor with easeopen a jar of mayonnaisewalk miles at a good clipenjoy hours of drivingwork 10 hours in a daydance until the wee hoursmow the lawn and pull weedslift a child with easeread small print without a magnifiernever think about catching a coldenjoy a loud concertremember names and facesan alternative listi was not able to….mentor people younger than i amsit quietlyenjoy a leisurely stroll on the seafrontlisten deeply to another’s anguish or joyshare ideas that spring from my heartturn the light off when i’m tiredenjoy learning something new simply for its own sakeconnecting deeply with my inner selfread books for pleasurechallenge myself to growapologise gracefully when i forget a namenotice the tiny flower growing in a crack in the pavementmake room for more wisdom as the inessentials fall awayshare my life’s experienceunderstand my worthaccept the errors in judgement and the pain i causedlearn the lessons of failures and successeslive with joy!